A PAGE FROM THE OPEN-LEAKS PAPERS

For soon to be introduced a new futuristic travel medium, called Bullet, the royal Govt of Kurruptistan has sent out a detailed note of specifications to the vendors. An official spokesman clarified that the Bullet had to be designed and fabricated according to the specific and typical cultural and social needs of our society, because ours is a “people-friendly system.”

# Make sure that the train compartments in the Bullet train have toilets with adequate space  for multiple needs including bathing and storing unauthorized luggage. In addition to the metre-long pipe for spraying liquid wash on waste exit points, a provision has to be made for chained lota or a  mug, the chain should not exceed beyond the door. All toilets have to be provided sound boxes for airing morning ragas to facilitate early exit of waste and drowning of weird sounds emanating from the source.

## Ensure adequate and continuous flow of scented air to dispel and dilute foul gases produced by mooli, garlic-eating gentry with bloated tummies.

###Sliding doors should not really shut down but pretend to be doing so, as deshi travelers have a habit of forgetting something or someone behind. The train should have adequate number of sensors at vantage points to make sure everyone is aboard before departure, to discount possibility of chain pulling.

####The carriages should have reserved space for hangars-on and without ticket last minute visitors who couldn’t make up their minds to board or not to board. We are a people-friendly government.

#####Given to incessant talking and social interactions, our travelers feel better comforted if seats are sited face to face. Uni-directional seats are not desirable.

######Space between rows of seats, aisle, has to be fairly wide to enable smooth movement of goods and traffic. Our travelers love to move around pointlessly admiring other passengers. Enjoyment of visual delights: this cultural trait should be high on designing priority.

######Each seat should have connection with the guard and the engine driver, so that passengers can keep asking pointless questions like are we really moving or have we left the last station.

#######Provide peek-daan for each seat to spitting gutkha, paan or tambakoo juices. If this is not possible provide specific areas or corners to allow people to use their artistic peek-throwing skills.

###No need to provide dustbins or litter boxes which are a waste of space. Our travelers are comfortable with litter which will be in any case littered around.

###Cut spending on providing display boards and announcement panels. Our travelers will chat and find out from co passengers what next or why the unexpected halt.