Kurruptistan ruler scraps constitution to run the country “Gawd-Bharosey”

*Statues of Yamraj on Buffaloes to be installed on Expressways

**Water logging not water harvesting to be promoted

By Brij Khandelwal

Loonapore:

This independence day, the new ruler of Kurruptistan Lord Guddan Piarey Junior, made a sensational announcement from the ramparts of his dilapidated palace terrace, recently done up to reflect the changing ambience.

His majesty told a huge gathering waiting since last year  for a treat of his gems of wisdom,  how he had decided to scrap the voluminous 370-page constitution that had shackled the creative urges and insatiable aspirations of his people.

Deeply committed to his intense faith in the  extraordinary powers of divinity and the intoxicating range of  sterling successes through non-scientific feats by hordes of spirit-addicted mendicants and monks in his kingdom, Piarey Junior declared that from the coming lunatic season, government functioning will be left “Gawd-Bharosey.”

All government departments will henceforth run “Gawd-Bharosey.” Transport systems including aeroplanes, trains and buses will discard long-abused time-tables and run without any hassles and limitations guided only by the divine law of “Gawd-Bharosey.”  When nothing works according to plans, why have any plans, he wondered.

He said his experience in past 50 years had made him wiser. Having come to realize that even the best systems and institutions had failed to achieve desired goals despite proclamations of lofty ideals, it was now necessary to leave affairs of the government to a highly evolved “Taantric-Vyavastha” that knows what is best for humans to migrate to a higher level of spiritual existence.

“For far too long mankind has been obsessed with mundane existence in this world. We now need to ensure smooth and pleasant passage of our beings to the next world. For this the medical fraternity has been advised to immediately withdraw all expensive, painful and complicated procedures that needlessly prolonged the agony and delayed the departure.

In a significantly large number of cases our experts have discovered that the results of success and failure were even after specialized treatment in the ICUs and on ventilators. Those who are pre-destined will anyway survive while those who have exhausted their timelines, will need to quit. In that eventuality why drain the scarce resources of the family or the insurance companies, he asked.

From now on, hospitals will  be converted into 24x7 Satsang Sabhas. Those admitted will be subjected to a high dose of spiritual intervention by practicing Babas and Swamys.

The country is blessed with a steady stream of these specialists in divine connectivity through generous use of indigenous herbs that heightened and chastened the vagaries of fluctuating moods and sustained a high degree of euphoria without rhyme but reason. Instead of insurance, citizens have been advised to complete all their “last-rites and legally record their vasiyats” before they moved out of their homes. To keep reminding people of their obligations and zameeini hakikats, statues of buffaloes with Yamraj will be installed on Expressways and road crossings.

Piarey Junior lamented that the country had been hamstrung and stalled in its march to real happiness because of the constant parroting of flawed data and statistics, the GDP growth rate, the mad race to gallop to an abstract and unreal dystopia reducing humans to ‘Dhaar’ card numbers. We now should learn to practice delinking of attachment from detachment, without being distracted by the so called fall of the country’s currency. Of greater alarm should be the fact that opposition politicians are falling neck deep in traps of their own making.  

So much negativity has been inculcated in the body-politic that citizens do not appreciate our efforts to promote water-harvesting through choked drains and water-logging in streets. Some of our cities through low-cost creative planning by urban specialists appear like Venice. Many of our urban clusters offer a range of opportunities to indulge in adventure sports. When children wade through deep waters facing all odds to reach schools, they not only become dare devils but the grit they demonstrate to take the challenge on a daily basis helps build character, which Yoga classes in air conditioned chambers can not.

Ending his much awaited speech on a high note, his majesty promised to balance and neutralize the frightening spectacle of birth-death equation, mistakenly called ‘population explosion,’ by diligently following the new national policy of “Gawd-Bharosey.” If you sincerely follow nature’s diktats and designs, the results can only be natural, he philosophized.

Later, interacting with media persons at high tea, Kurruptistan ruler Piarey Junior admitted that the policing system in the country had lost its direction and passion. A surfeit of ennui had gripped the cops who were denied thrills and excitement as criminal acts had become boringly repetitive.  Victims have therefore been advised to enact dramatic sequences like self- immolation, climbing tree tops or water tanks, chemical wash or demonstration with holy shit to draw the attention of the news peddlers who will then provoke slumbering cops to mess up investigations to amuse the pontifying magistrates whose penchant for high-falutin verbosity was well appreciated in Kurruptistan annals.

Responding to another pointed warb by a paid scribe the new ruler of the Kurruptistan dispensation, agreed that ban on consumption of meat of some species of four-footers had brought down the nutritional level to a catastrophic point, his government was considering granting permission for consumption of wasted flesh from hospitals. The country was already hard pressed for space to rest the departed souls. This constructive initiative could solve quite a few predicaments, he added.